happy new year to all that may still keep their eye and ear on this sacred spot.  i did not write nearly as much as i would wish in the year that has just recently passed, and sincerely pray that the trend changes in the new one that has just begun.

my idea for this space in 2013 was birthed a little over two years ago.  in a creative and introspective flash, i reserved the blog domain firstinitialthoughts.wordpress.com.  over the past several years i have been in a growth cycle, specifically in the area of questions and questioning.  in the process of growing more fully into the true me, i became enamored with questions.  for so much of my life i had settled for belief.  belief, in and of itself, is not a undesirable thing, but the variety that i had settled on was causing a great deal of discomfort.  the belief that i had settled on was someone else’s, and i had begun a process of authentic and transparent living that began to expose that.  i don’t begrudge or reject it, in fact, i think it’s a pretty normal process of becoming who you are.  but the more transparent i became and the more questions i asked, the more i realized that who i had become was far more a manufactured self than the true fingerprint that God designed for me.

so i began to extend out, reaching and investing into other people’s lives.  walking with my head up, eyes scanning the horizon, ears unobstructed.  i was beginning the process of listening for the Spirit, focusing on scripture and following His leading.  i have found, in the time since, that i have an affinity for questions.  and where i once was content to sit near the back of the class and blend into my surroundings, i began to become comfortable with raising my hand to ask the dumb question … and the revealing question.  i began to connect with others who shared a thirst for the same thing.  God was abundantly gracious and i began to find my true and sacred self.

so in 2013, it is my goal to ask 52 questions.  one per week, every week of this year.  i am not starting with a list, rather, i plan to leave my heart and soul open and allow the Spirit to speak to and through them.  i don’t expect to give any answers.  i may sometimes share what the Spirit is speaking into my life as it relates to that specific question, but i am going to attempt to simply enjoy asking and then sitting with each question.  God has produced so much yield in my life through questions and the conversations they generate.  sometimes in a sacred community of just two, but many times in the company of a broader community of true kingdom brothers and sisters.

i would love for you to exist in this space with me.  and to not feel compelled to verbalize your presence or respond with “answers” of your own.  in no way would i reject conversation, but please don’t feel compelled.  and leave yourself open to end thoughts with commas, dot-dot-dot’s and question marks, rather than periods or exclamation marks.   the latter types of punctuation tend to be more rooted in self, and end rather than fuel conversations.

so here goes for the first week of the new year … q1 … how close does my marriage come to what God intended for the sacred union?  this question seems to spawn so many others, but i will leave those for my consumption and try my best just to sit with this one for a while.

we’ll see how this develops over the entirety of this year.  and i pray that God will use this for my good.  thanks, as always, for taking the time to read, and caring about and for me.  how close does my marriage come?  hmmm…


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