prairie home pilgrimage v4 day 3

grateful we could make the trip, and to all the people we have met or caught up with along the way.  we have been reminded of the power of relationship.  a bit sad that another pilgrimage is in the books.  to kristyn, connor and aunt karen … we can’t wait to see you!

thanks to all those who have shared this journey with us in watching.  and thanks for all the comments!

love to all,
the pilgrimage travelers

prairie home pilgrimage v4 day 2

we had technical difficulties with the videocast today, but we attempted to make the best of it and had great fun in the process!  as much fun as it might be, it doesn’t do justice to the quality of the events and interactions of the day.  familiar places like the sugar shack, but new faces … great to meet you finally, mark!  new places and faces like trenary toast co., randy, and yoopers ken and helen johnson.  thanks kristyn, connor and aunt karen, we are having an amazing trip!

prairie home pilgrimage VFore day 1

We have begun our 4th pilgrimage to the holy land of st. paul and the fitzgerald theatre.  say tuned each day for updates from the road.

happy birthday to you!

he is at the same time tough as nails, and handle with care.  he is equal parts action jackson, and pre-dawn sofa time.  he is “oh boy, he didn’t just say that”, and “wow, did you get what he just said?!”  he has a will that is first cousin to iron, and a heart two sizes too big for his body.  to label our birthday guy is to miss the full measure of who he is.  he is underscores and contradictions, and it is a great joy to be his dad.

this growing up thing is going a bit fast for my liking, but kristyn and i could not be more proud of the young man that he is.  he will do big things in his lifetime, even if that is limited to forever touching a single life.

happy 8th birthday, connor robb!

not just the presentable parts

i stood in the shower this morning searching the width and depth of my grammatical sensibilities to pull out the polar opposite of the word “invitation”.  i honestly struggled, and eventually came up empty.  it shouldn’t have been that hard, and i’m convinced that my soul was warring with my intellect, so as not to be exposed.

it required a browse through thesaurus.com tonight to find the perfect antonym.  i found it in the section for the verb “invite”.  it was the only word listed … “reject”.  the battle my soul was waging was not lost in the discovery of the word.  that happened while still in the shower in my search for it.  somewhere in the midst of the inner dialog, my soul was convicted and confessed.

my day started like most others these past two weeks.  ipad in one hand, and coffee cup in the other.  i was settling into my sacred space, ready to open my heart to what God had for me today.  except somewhere between brew cycle and sacred, a darkness choked out the air and extinguished my light.  i’d love for people to know me only by my sweet and meaningful conversations with my boys, my deep and abiding love for my wife, my sincere desire to meet the needs of others.  but unfortunately, to know me like that, is to know only part of me.  to truly know me, is to know the wrecking ball that my thought life can be, the dark spaces where my heart can too quickly run to, the great sadness that i can both inflict and become.

through much sitting with and praying though my dark spaces, i have discovered something about myself.  something that is most likely true of all of us.  a truth that had me searching for an antonym while rinsing and repeating.  in the midst of my dark spaces, at the moment i need Him most, i reject God’s presence.  i’m tempted to say “i don’t invite him into it”; that is what had me searching for the polar opposite.  but i fear it’s more true that i reject him being a part of it.

so many questions flooded my mind this morning.  even the seemingly simple ones, had no answer in response, only more questions.  i wish that i could remember them, and i wish this was punctuated with some big take-away.  what i am certain of, are two equally vital truths.  first, that God already knows the depth, breadth and minute details of my dark spaces.  and second, He stands persistently knocking on the well-lit side of the door, wanting desperately to be let in.

a more-like-a-brother-than-a-friend once shared a brilliant illustration with me.  he said that we so often invite God into ourselves like we invite a newcomer into our home.  we deliver an invite for a specific date and time, and are excited for them to come.  we prepare for their arrival, taking particular care to clean what can be seen and give our best effort to make our home a space they will feel welcome in.  inevitably though, there is a room or space that we would be embarrassed for our guests to see.  we proudly show off the sparkling spaces, but distract attention from, walk past, or explain away the space they are not welcome in.

a couple of years ago i began opening the door to my dark spaces.  this morning proved to me that i still sit stubbornly in the midst of them sometimes.  but i am, at the same time, grateful for what God is doing in my life, and anxious to be known for all that i am.  not just the parts that look presentable.